I've got a few things on my mind today.

One is the health of my ferrets. Both my boys are shedding their winter coats, which often leads to temporary weight loss. But Chouji, my Chubba Wumba, seems to have lost over a pound and is very thin. I am spoiling him with lots of FuroVite, a vitamin and calorie rich smelly goo that I usually use as a reward. It can stimulate the appetite and can also be used as an emergency supplement when they go off their feed for a temporary period. But I am concerned that I have been having to use it a bit too long. Both girls got their rabies shots on Wednesday and go back two weeks from then for their distemper. Distemper is much more important than rabies healthwise, since rabies will decimate a ferret extremely quickly, but legally, rabies is the bigger factor. It's the one the city issues license tags for. Sasuke goes in probably next month for his and then Chouji is due in June, I believe. Expensive time of year for me in terms of the fuzzies. It's another concern there, too, because I'm not sure if I'll be able to ask their "dad" for any more financial support in their care.

And that ties in to thought number two. I'm pretty sure I can't be friends with him. I mean, for one thing, I have enough friends that I rarely see or hear from and who don't answer their phone when I need them. And as hurtful as that can be, it will only be more hurtful when I can't rely on him. Another thing is, I still love him, desperately. Friendship won't fill that void and could potentially put me in the position of having to support him in a new relationship when I don't want to even contemplate him with anyone else. And third, if I'm going to pick myself up and rebuild my life and find new dreams to replace all the ones he shattered, then I'd only be undermining myself by holding on to him. Let's face it, his decision is selfish and crappy and his refusal to see how much I'm hurting is disrespectful and belittling of the depth of love I've offered him. Constantly telling me I can find someone else, that he's not as important to me as I say he is, and claiming that he hasn't destroyed any of my life plans just shows how little value all the sacrifices I have made and the devotion I have given him actually meant to him all this time. Which is very disappointing. But such is life.

I can't give in to the part of me that wants to lay around waiting for him to come back. I mean, if he does come back, it will be very hard for me to say no. But he can't just call me up and say, "Hey, I'm ready to re-commit to this relationship now." That just won't cut it. He owes me a lot more than that and I hope he realizes that. I deserve some groveling and apologies for breaking my heart and turning my world upside-down. And how can trust him? I mean, after all, this is an incredible betrayal and rejection. If he can do it one time, what will stop him from doing that again?

In other news, I think Hugo the Hornet -- mascot of the New Orleans Hornets -- is going to be catching some heat if his impromptu disruption of the 2nd quarter of Round 2 Game 1 between the Hornets and the San Antonio Spurs dramatically impacts my beloved Spurs' performance, considering they were quite hot and playing well and have now spent about 20 minutes on the bench getting cold. I think the refs should get their heads checked for not allowing the teams to go into the back to stay warmed up and instead are making them go through a second warm-up process. *huge sigh* It also sucks that we finally are playing a game against a team in our own time zone and we had to wait til 9 pm for the game start. This game will probably go til midnight and I have to be up for church about 6:30 am and I am not known for sleeping less than 9 hours a day and being happy. *second sigh* Oh well, no matter what, we are the team to beat, we are focused and determined to repeat for the first time in our history, and we CAN! GO SPURS GO!!!!